Lowest lows to Highest highs

As most of you know, seven weeks ago I went to see my OBGYN because I started to bleed at almost 7 weeks pregnancy. This was the second time this had happened during a recent pregnancy and unfortunately it didn't end well the first time. 

During my appointment on June 20th my OBGYN could not locate the fetus. He concluded that I had a blighted ovum (this occurs when a gestational sac develops without an embryo). I was told that despite the different diagnosis, the miscarriage would be basically the same as the one before and to contact his office in a few weeks if the miscarriage had not occurred naturally.  This news was beyond devastating to me. I was so angry, but even more than that I was so depressed. 

As the days started to pass, I felt a sudden peace. I held onto this peace as the days turned into weeks. I decided to wait at least four weeks before calling my doctor because that's how long it took for the previous miscarriage to happen naturally. Luckily for me July was a busy month. We had a few trips and activities planned during the month. All of which helped distract me from what was going on. 

Some days I would wake up to bleeding and I was hopeful that the miscarriage would get started so I could have some closure and so we could start trying again. The bleeding would stop after an hour or so. Week four arrived and passed. I called my doctor on Monday July 25th they asked me to come in for a blood test. The nurse called me on Tuesday and said my hormone levels were really high, so I needed to come in for an ultrasound on Wednesday. I didn't think anything of the results. Why should I? My levels were still really high during my previous miscarriage. Also, I was there at the last ultrasound when the doctor told me that the pregnancy wasn't viable. For me this appointment was just a formality.

Marty was leaving Wednesday for a trip with our Church, so I went to the ultrasound alone. The nurse walked me back. She was so cheerful about my blood test results, so much so that I was kind of frustrated with her. She asked me why I wasn't more excited about the results. Really? Because I just went through heartbreak for the second time this year. Because I spent several nights crying myself to sleep. Because hope right now could mean overwhelming devastation later. 

My doctor came in and explained to me that my levels indicate that I'm at least 8 weeks pregnant. Still, this meant nothing to me. I hadn't passed anything since the ultrasound in June, so it was impossible that I would be pregnant right now. 

We proceeded with the ultrasound. Three seconds in I saw the most beautiful and miraculous image I have seen in a long time. There on the screen was the most gorgeous 12 week old fetus!! I completely lost it! Joy overcame me. I was crying so hard, it was hard for him to measure the baby. I went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. 

I will say, I was a little upset with my doctor about the whole situation. I mean, I was told I was miscarrying then told that I actually wasn't. Luckily for me though, I didn't partake of anything during that time that would have harmed the baby. Honestly, I am so happy right now. There isn't enough room in me to hold a grudge or be angry. I only have room for joy and gratitude.

This whole crazy situation really taught me to trust my Heavenly Father. We may not receive what we need when we want it, but if we wait, He will give us what we need when we need it.